Faux-jo to kick ball change in one easy Step
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This is not just any running blog... this is MY half-arsed running blog... so I'm not obligated to concentrate on running in my posts. This last week the gyms reopened to allow indoor classes. In the last entry I mentioned that I'd done my first group exercise after lockdown, which was Body Combat when I did release 86 for the first time, live and in the presence of other people. This was great as the first class in about eight months and it was also great to see some old friends and get a good sweaty workout. I've been doing some sort of Les Mills workout on and off for probably about 20 years, mainly concentrating on Pump and Body Combat. Since the onset of lockdown I took out a subscription to Les Mills On Demand so I can get access to the whole range of activities available. Since then I've done Body Combat almost exclusively (and usually 4 or 5 times a week), though, on account mainly of not having any equipment like a barbell with weights (so Pump and some versions of Grit are out), a step (so Step is out) and a static bike (so the various spinning workouts are out). I tried Grit a couple of times (LM's HIIT workouts, makes me too sweaty), Sh'bam (basically LM's dumbed-down version of Zumba, and anyone who knows me from the gym environment knows I largely think Zumba is aerobics for idiots) and, briefly, Barre (kind of liked it, but didn't get round to trying it properly). The main reason though is I just like Body combat. I do like a good faux-jo session (yes, it's a play on "dojo"). The other session I did at the gym from last week's activities was Clubbercise, another franchised programme which I also enjoy as a simpler, more high impact, hardcore version of Zumba with added glowsticks.
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| The props of Clubbercise You can also use them to direct planes to the disembarkation gate if you need a side hustle |
One of the problems with these programmes is that they aren't the most enthralling. Les Mills especially tend to be a bit of a marketing machine and some of their business practices are pretty shitty, like charging both instructors and gyms to do their programmes. Instructors are obligated to teach the latest routine for a certain amount of time before they are allowed to incorporate other tracks from earlier releases. It's understandable to a certain extent because it gives we the punters the chance to get used to the new routine. However, it also means you're stuck with the same moves to the same tracks for weeks, even if they are an absolute stinker, which they have been known to be. Think Sisyphus with martial arts moves. It also has a tendency to mean that gyms featuring LM offer quite a homogeneous programme of classes.
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| Sisyphus doing Body Combat That feeling when you get to that wanky kick-boxing track that you really don't like Source: https://www.davelabowitz.com/blog/sisyphus-and-leadership/ |
Anyway, going off at a tangent (trust me, it will make sense in a sentence or two), we occasionally go to McDonald's for a drive-through lunch or the occasional breakfast. We like it. It's a treat, it's easy, it's tasty and it does the job as a meal. On the other hand we also like to go to restaurants. Nothing too fancy (we live in Wakefield, so it's not exactly like we have a constellation of Michelin stars on our doorstep), but there are some great places to eat, where you can get some fantastic tapas or a decent curry or a great pizza. Now as good as Maccie D's is, it's not a patch on, say, Qubana, one of our favourties which does a great line in tapas with a Latin American twist. So, back on topic, Les Mills is your MaccieD's: satisfying, fills you up, does a job. On the other hand your tapas is a different beast altogether. This is something that is everything McDonald's is, but so, so much a better experience. It was made for you to order, it tastes better and you don't feel like you're greasing the already slippery pocket of some tax-dodging major multinational corporation when you pay your bill.
Gimme Big Mac and Fries to Go
Pop Will Eat Itself predicting Les Mill way back in the late 80s. Def Con One
I experienced the exercise equivalent of tapas last Saturday when I did a free-style Step Aerobics class on Saturday morning. This is something else. First off, it's aerobics, but a trip back to the 80s for a bit of Jane Fonda "feel the burn" it ain't. Contemporary Step Aerobics is a modern, choreographed routine based around a box or step. This is something I've not done for years since my gym did away with more and more freelance and freestyle instructors (to be fair, many of them went off to open their own studios, but I'll mention that later) and did more and more Les Mills classes, turning the class timetable into a barren wasteland of formulaic workouts, devoid of imagination. In fairness, some instructors are better than others, and the difference between a dreary class and a great one is down to the person taking it. This is especially the case with something like Zumba or Clubbercise which are less proscriptive than LM. I did quite a few live classes online during lockdown with instructors that I like and know will give me a great workout.
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| Aerobics, 80s style. There's no way I'd bee seen dead wearing that get up. I mean, who wears leg warmers these days, or a belt over a leotard? SourceL: https://www.pinterest.co.uk/pin/493284965405357864/ |
So, back to my Step class last week. This was on at a new gym studio that opened up near me called Real GroupX and is run by a couple of instructors I know. One of them I have done classes with for years, so knew it was going to be a good gym as she is one of my favourite presenters and her co-owner is also great. Both of them have presented at big national fitness conventions and have great reputations, so there was only one way this class was going to go. I was not disappointed. There is something transcendent about doing a complicated dancey aerobics class (Step or otherwise) which builds up into a great routine that you get into and totally nail the moves. It's not that dissimilar to the zen-like state I mentioned in an earlier post that you can enter whilst running. It really is a workout for the brain as well as the body.
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| Small object of desire: A Reebok Step Source: https://www.sport-thieme.co.uk/Fitness_equipment/Aerobic_stepper/art=2554509 |
This is my Step. There are many like it, but this one is mine.
My Step is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life for the next three quarters of an hour.
Without me, my Step is useless. Without my Step, I am useless in this class. I must stand on my Step straight. I must stand up straighter than my neighbour who is trying to step better than me. I must not miss a beat or go out of time.
My Step and I know that what counts in aerobics is not the sweat we produce, the noise of our whooping, nor the calories burnt. We know that having a good time is what counts. We will...
My Step is plastic, even as I am human, but it is my life for the next 45 minutes. Thus, I will love it as a brother. I will learn its weaknesses, its strengths, its parts, its bobbly rubber tread and its riser blocks to make it higher . I will wipe my Step clean with Zoflora at the end of the class. We will become part of each other. We will ...
Before God I swear this creed. My Step and I are partners in this class. We are the masters of the routine. We are going to look totally fabulous and nail the choreography.
So be it, until the stretch off and cool down is here and I switch off my fitness tracker.
(Stolen and adapted from The Rifleman's Creed as featured in Kubrik's Full Metal Jacket)
This week's activities
As always, I've been powered by Tikiboo. They have a sale on as I write this for the bank holiday weekend, so it would be a good time to start your Tiki habit.
Ordinarily I'd post a video of a track that had been prominent in a playlist I listened to while I ran that week, but I didn't listen to music on my solitary run (no headphones). Therefore, as the theme of this post is mainly about great choreographed aerobics, this track features the line "A kick ball change and a pirouette". It's not an aerobics track by any measure, but it's an absolutely amazing tune anyway, so that's excuse enough.
Jonanna Newsome with a live version of The Good Intentions Paving Company
Runs
I only managed a single run this week, partly because of the gym classes being open again and partly because the weather was shit.
Friday: Lunchtime run. I managed 5km to get to the sandwich shop which is 200m away (5.55 km, old Adidas trainers, 430 kcal). I wasn't feeling the love, and was expecting rain, but packed up my running kit anyway and had a good run in the end.
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| The pay off for 5km to the butty shop is a fantastic butty |
Other stuff
Saturday: Step aerobics. (381 kcal, 45 minute session). Words can't describe how great this was. I took the pics as stills from the videos made by the gym instructors.
Sunday: Body Combat at home. Sunday is long run day normally, but circumstances and weather conspired to get in the way so ended up doing Body Combat at home. Got a good action pic, mind (Release 80, 60 minutes, 509 kcal, the boy's room)
Monday: Body Combat at home (release 84, 315 kcals, 45 minutes, the boy's room)
Tuesday: Body Combat at the gym. Same as last week (Release 86, 45 minutes. No performance data. My tracker was still in the charging cradle at home. See this post for my opinion about these shitty high-tech watches that need contstant charging and updates).
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| Getting changed in the office before heading to the gym on the way home |
Wednesday: Body Combat at home. (Release 84, 30 mins, 253 kcal, in the boy's room) I was in a late meeting and working at a different location. I had a Combat class booked, but hadn't finished the meeting by the time this had started. I ended up doing a 30 minute BC session at home.
Thursday: Clubbercise (370 kcal, 45 minutes). Had another late meeting, but in anticipation I got changed for the gym in advance and flung on my work shirt while I attended the Teams call. On my top I was a serious, professional scientist, but underneath I was eager to throw some shapes in the studio.
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| From the waist up I was a professional Clinical Scientist. Below that, I was a Clubberciser chomping at the bit to get my glowsticks on, get under those flashing lights and shake my booty | |
I've posted a couple of music videos on previous posts, but I thought
I'd add a third this week which is a tune from Clubbercise. Who doesn't love a bit of 70s disco, especially if it's accompanying a hot wax finish?
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